Unicorns--TRANSFORM!

Harry Potter + amateur musical = LOLZ

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 03:22:46 GMT

Oh YouTube, you never fail to amuse me! This is a fan-made Harry Potter musical that kind of . . . squashes aspects from all the books together. It's a bit hard to hear all the dialogue sometimes, but otherwise hysterically funny.

"No way this year anyone's gonna die!" Hee!

Harry: "Who's this?"
Ron: "This is stupid little dumb sister Ginnie."

Malfoy: I have a bet with Goyle. He says you won't last five minutes at Hogwarts. I disagree. I think you won't last five minutes at PIGFARTS.

Pigfarts, according to Malfoy, is the greatest wizarding school EVER and he is going to transfer there and it is ON MARS.

This is my favorite clip so far . . . Quirrell and Voldemort stuggle to cohabit a single body! By breaking into song.

The Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 22:33:32 GMT

I just found some hilarious parody clips of Transformers (G1) on YouTube. Part of their charm is that the people voicing the characters sound exactly like the original voice actors in most cases. (The human kids and Megatron are a bit "off.")

My favorite dialogue:

"Who the fuck is this Autobot?"

"Wheelie's my name! Want to play a game?"

"NO."

"Uh, Prime, Wheelie's been helping us for a while. We use him as a decoy a lot."

XD

Thrills! Chills! Picfics!

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 01:29:05 GMT

My old computer occasionally makes unhappy noises and will sometimes process things veeery slooowly, which makes me fear it's on its last legs. I have my laptop, of course, but my major concern is losing work on this computer . . . Stories, pictures, and so on. So today I uploaded every picfic I ever wrote on my webspace (I say "webspace" instead of website because, lazily, I have not actually turned it into a website as yet.)

I slapped together a quick page for them and they can be viewed here.

Most of them are My Little Beast Wars fics, but Secret Oranges (Booster Gold's most SECRET of secret origins) and Bobbie Zombie Finds a Friend are also up. ^_^

The majestic spaghetti tree

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 18:32:45 GMT

I love the British sense of humor. :D

According to the Museum of Hoaxes, "Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, 'place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.'"

The GOP's hiphop makeover, or "How is this not an Onion article?"

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:25:50 GMT

Oh my God. WHAT THE HELL.

RNC chair plans 'off the hook' campaign, tells critics to ‘stuff it’

(CNN) — Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele says his party is going to launch an "off the hook" public relations campaign that will update the GOP’s image by translating it to "urban-suburban hip-hop settings."

“We need messengers to really capture that region — young, Hispanic, black, a cross section…” he said in an interview published Thursday. “We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings.”

He added, jokingly, that “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”

Steele described the new multi-platform PR offensive as “avant-garde, technically. It will come to [the] table with things that will surprise everyone — off the hook.” Asked whether that meant cutting-edge tactics, Steele demurred. “I don't do 'cutting-edge,’” he said. “That's what Democrats are doing. We're going beyond cutting-edge.”

Steele dismissed the assessments of some Republicans that he needs a deputy to handle areas like logistics, fundraising and candidate recruitment. “I can run this organization just fine,” he said. “There will be no deputy chairman, period. …People who said I can't make the trains run on time never gave a reason. I say to them, 'Stuff it.'"

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/02/19/rnc-chair-plans-off-the-hook-campaign-tells-critics-to-%e2%80%98stuff-it%e2%80%99/#comments

---

AHAHAHAHAHA no really is this parody? No? AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(PS The correct phrase is "off the chain.")

Let the Ted-meme make it's rounds!

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 01:37:54 GMT

LOOK EVERYONE! BLUE BEETLE ON TEEVEEEEEE! (Knowledge stolen from heykidzcomix.) The episode airs on Cartoon Network January 23rd.

Man, those two are such geeks.

The speaker of the house Rickrolls the nation

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:23:19 GMT

Not nearly as good as "Barack Rolled", but the fact it's Nancy Pelosi, REALLY NANCY PELOSI, uploading the video makes it hilarious.

Will there be more from her? LOLcats, perhaps?

The original Mary Sue

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 04:43:49 GMT

I knew that the term "Mary Sue" came from the Trekkie fandom but it was only today that I actually saw the tongue-in-cheek story that coined the phrase.

Here it is:

A TREKKIE'S TALE

By Paula Smith

"Gee, golly, gosh, gloriosky," thought Mary Sue as she stepped on the bridge of the Enterprise. "Here I am, the youngest lieutenant in the fleet - only fifteen and a half years old." Captain Kirk came up to her.
"Oh, Lieutenant, I love you madly. Will you come to bed with me?"
"Captain! I am not that kind of girl!"
"You're right, and I respect you for it. Here, take over the ship for a minute while I go get some coffee for us."
Mr. Spock came onto the bridge. "What are you doing in the command seat, Lieutenant?"
"The Captain told me to."
"Flawlessly logical. I admire your mind."

Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and Mr. Scott beamed down with Lt. Mary Sue to Rigel XXXVII. They were attacked by green androids and thrown into prison. In a moment of weakness Lt. Mary Sue revealed to Mr. Spock that she too was half Vulcan. Recovering quickly, she sprung the lock with her hairpin and they all got away back to the ship.

But back on board, Dr. McCoy and Lt. Mary Sue found out that the men who had beamed down were seriously stricken by the jumping cold robbies , Mary Sue less so. While the four officers languished in Sick Bay, Lt. Mary Sue ran the ship, and ran it so well she received the Nobel Peace Prize, the Vulcan Order of Gallantry and the Tralfamadorian Order of Good Guyhood.

However the disease finally got to her and she fell fatally ill. In the Sick Bay as she breathed her last, she was surrounded by Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Scott, all weeping unashamedly at the loss of her beautiful youth and youthful beauty, intelligence, capability and all around niceness. Even to this day her birthday is a national holiday of the Enterprise.

---

Shorter than I expected, but nevertheless they managed to hit most of the salient Mary Sue points. Except I think she should have been Scottie's niece.

No schoo after all

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 07:55:43 GMT

Well, they're expecting 1 to 2 inches of snow an hour tonight so they closed the school for tomorrow. So, um, another vacation day! Hoorah!

Merry Christmas to me from my apartment

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 00:40:23 GMT

I want to do a more comprehensive Christmas/New Years post later, but I will note here and now that after cleaning my apartment it graciously allowed me to find my Sims 2 CDs. FINALLY!! I have been looking for these for months and found every Sims expansion, but not the original Sims 2.

And why was I looking so fervently for Sims 2? Well, let me share some recent screenshots with you.

In addition to deformed, floating cats who do the dishes and make grilled cheese, my game also features toddlers who talk in adult voices and get jobs, adult Sims who switched to the wrong gender-voice (transSims?), half my Sims suddenly getting the Grilled Cheese aspiration where all they want to do is make and eat grilled cheese, and a creepy floating dog who hangs around outside and stares through the windows.

Oh, the cats also talk. And have jobs.

. . . . .

I may reinstall under a new directory so as to keep the weirdness of the current set up.

. . . not a robot was stirring, not even an Autobot . . .

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 21:00:15 GMT

Happy Christmas Eve! By popular (?) demand I've reuploaded A Continuity-Shattering Christmas Carol, a picfic starring those twin Hasbro products, My Little Pony and Transformers.

Click on the logo (either one!) and be transported to a world of magic and, um, strangeness.

Poem o' the Week

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:40:56 GMT

I googled for quite a while today trying to track down a poem from years ago . . . The line I remembered best had to do with headless chickens, which resulted in some very . . . interesting search results. To my surprise, the poem seems to be on only one place on the whole interwebz! So I'm copying it down here. It deserves more attention.

The Preponderance

To me there appears an immense preonderance of virtue and happiness even in this world, wicked and miserable as it is represented.
-John Adams

Headless fountains,
running loose,
I've killed some chickens
I've seen a goose
I've read about people
cut up for soap
but there's more to this
than chicken hope
or the chicken scare
that sells what's dear

I read, I love
I eat, I drink
I watch the world tilt
I watch the children think
there's so much to it
and most of it good
that while I've tendons
to lift my head,
like a rooster drinking
I'll nod to God
and save despair
for when I'm dead.

Now I'm off to decorate sugar cookies. Woo!

What am I watching? And, more snow.

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 06:37:25 GMT

It's snowing like crazy right now . . . It's supposed to last all night and through tomorrow, I think.

I'm watching a police drama on PBS that's . . . special. There's the usual routine of questioning people, investigating, OMG suspect, but in addition there's a narrator whose remarks--well, half of them are blatantly obvious descriptions of the action of the screen and the other half sound like they should be in print. For example:

"Lilly bites his lip and shakes his head."

"Gideon slumps into a leather chair and stares woefully ahead."

"A dog stands by the door, barking."

"He raises his eyebrows."

"Lilly looks at Havers; her green eyes dart to the constable."

"She gapes after him as he stalks off; now Lilly walks with a nun."

Edit: It turns out I accidentally had closed captioning on. I highly recommend trying this any time you're bored by what's on TV. The purple prose really MADE it.

drags self towards finish line

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 06:36:28 GMT

Just one more final. So tired. Out of coffee drinks. WEEP.

Yes, we can.

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:20:53 GMT

And yes we did.

I voted, where's my sticker?

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:19:49 GMT

The awesome thing about mail in ballots is that I can get my vote in before the east coast for once. With normal balloting, the procedure goes like this:

TV Anchor: "And here we have the results from the east, the midwest, and--oh! we just got the numbers from California! Election over!"

The electoral college, making northwestern states besides California feel insignificant since 1845!

And now, for no reason except "I want to", I present John McCain getting Barack-roll'd.

Obama campaign: the musical!

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 02:26:59 GMT

What did we ever do before You-Tube? :D

Most disturbing orange juice commercial ever, Y/Y?

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:41:01 GMT

Now really. Flamingo pole dancers? And peacocks, who are apparently post-op since they're "female" but have fancy tails?

Warning, may scar retinas.

A Horrible dream

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:28:11 GMT

I dreamed that Dr. Horrible was working on a new project of evil . . . in rented mall space, for some reason. Also a couple other people who may or may not have been villains. (He seemed to have a crush on the Asian woman in the lab coat.)

Anyway, he caught wind that something wasn't right and they snuck out of the mall, only to be spotted in the parking lot. Who was after them? I still don't know, but they drove creepy, grey, unpainted vans and had rocket nets. BA-BOOM! The others were caught, but Dr. Horrible managed to pull himself out of the net and run away to a nearby park where he climbed a lightpost to escape from carnivorous dinosaurs. Which, apparently, live in the park.

Poor Billy. I was glad to see he escaped from the Mysterious Vans, though. Maybe later he'll tame a dinosaur and they'll kick ass together.

Essay, done! Woooo! Also Green Lantern ficlet

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 07:38:37 GMT

Well, I just finished the final essay of English 101. I was dreading it all day because it was an in-class essay that had to be finished in two hours. Two hours! How can I obsessively start and delete five essays before desperately scribbling out the final product in a mere two hours? HAVE THEY NO RESPECT FOR MY METHOD?

Anyway, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I handed it in and then revised one of my old essays for my "portfolio." Do all schools have English portfolios? Well, anyway.

Here's something I found on my hard drive that comic-y folks might enjoy.

It's based on the first issue of . . . Green Lantern volume 2? Perhaps? Well. Anyway, starring Hal, around the time of the JLI. Guy and Ted make brief guest star appearances.

"Down to Earth" - Issue #1 - June 1990

Hal Jordan: Well, here I am on this cliff. I think I'll brood over my life for a while. *brood brood* . . . that was fun. Hey, I think I'll jump off this cliff . . . and turn into Green Lantern on the way down. Ha ha, I totally freaked out those campers! Well, enough of that. I think I'll visit . . . THE JUSTICE LEAGUE!

At JLI headquarters:

Batman: Hey Hal. Gonna join up again?

Blue Beetle: Pleeeeeease join us. Pleeeeeease.

Hal: But I thought you had Guy Gardner as your Green Lantern.

Blue Beetle: *shrugs* But we hate him.

Hal: Who doesn't?

Guy: Hey, I resemble that remark!! WUSS!!

Hal: Okay, forget this noise. I've got to go define myself not as a superhero, but as a MAN--

Batman: Whatever. *slams door*

Hal: Wait, I wasn't done with my soliloquy!!

Meanwhile:

John Stewart: Help! I'm feeling guilty because there are problems in the world that I'm not solving as a Green Lantern. Okay, back to you, Hal.

Meanwhile again:

Hal: Well, I guess I'll hop onto this freight train, even though I could easily use my ring to fly wherever the hell I wanted.

Train guy: Get offa the train, ya bum. *tosses Hal out*

Hal: Whoops, either this is the town Ollie and I went through years ago on our Hard Travelin' crossover--I mean, adventure--or I'm having a flashback! Man, that Rose girl I met as Green Lantern back then was a hottie. I wonder if she's still around.

He goes into a store.

Hal: Hey, anyone know where Rose Lewis lives?

Store lady: Sure, we all love to share personal information on our townsfolk. That's what makes Hope Springs the "Stalker Capital of Ohio", you know!

Hal: But we're not in Ohio.

Store lady: No, but we like the way it sounds. Anyway, she lives on that hill. And now she's Rose Hardin.

Hal: Last name change? That can't be good . . .

He trots up the hill.

Hal: Hey, how about a job?

Rose: I've got enough trouble raising my son by myself.

Hal: By yourself? WOOHOO!

Rose: Hey, I've got an idea. Since you're a strange man I met five minutes ago and have no reason to trust, why don't you live here at my house?

Hal: WOOHOO!

Rose: No sex, though.

Hal: DAMN IT!

Back with John Stewart . . .

John Stewart: Okay, that's it. I'm going to Oa to get some answers from those Guardians, damn it! You readers had better know who they are, because I'm sure as hell not going to go into detail about them or Oa, even though this is the very first comic. Okay, back to you, Hal.

Back with Hal:

Rose: Break up the ground with this pickaxe. Then we can plant this pear tree. I hope it likes growing in solid rock, because that's what we've got.

Hal: Yeah, whatever. This is boring. Let's fast forward a few hours.

That night:

Hal: Stars. Pretty!

Rose's kid: Hey mister! My name's Toby! I'm unnecessarily cutesy! Within a few issues I'll probably be asking my mom if you're going to be my new daddy.

Hal: Yeah, whatever. Hey, guess what? Alien fish live on that one star up there.

Rose: Hey, stop filling up my kid's head with that crap! Death to creativity!

Hal: Uh . . . okay.

Rose: Death to Alice in Wonderland!

Hal: Um . . .

Rose: Death to Harry Potter!

Hal: That hasn't even been written yet.

Rose: Oh, that's right. Not to change the subject or anything, but I've never been able to see the constellations.

Hal: Except the Big Dipper, right?

Rose: The big what?

Hal: Oh my God. Look, I know we're in a remote area, but EVERYONE knows the Big Dipper. GUY GARDNER knows the Big Dipper. AMBUSH BUG knows the Big Dipper. My DOG knows the Big Dipper--and I don't even HAVE a dog. See, it's right there. *suggestively puts his arm around her while he points it out*

Toby: Moooooommy! Tuck me iiiiiiin!

Rose: Whoops! Gotta go!

Hal: Grrr . . . stupid kid.

Meanwhile, on Oa:

John Stewart: Okay, so where's the Old Timer, the Guardian with the stupid name? Hmm . . . *looks in a cave and gasps dramatically* GASP! Looks like a cliffhanger to me. GASP!

Back with Hal:

Hal: Geez, Rose sure makes me dig a lot . . . I don't know why, it's not like anything's going to grow in this solid rock . . .

Guy: Hi Hal! Guess who? BWAHAHAHA!!

Hal: Damn it, Guy. Go away.

Guy: No.

Hal: Yes.

Guy: No.

Hal: Grrr . . .

Guy: WUSS!

Hal: Bah! That's an insult that can only be met with a Gratuitous Fight Scene--Green Lantern style! And you know what that means--

Both: Giant green hand arm-wrestling match!!

They arm-wrestle with giant green hand constructs, but THEN--

Rose (coming out of the house): Gasp! Oh no, I'm shocked! What are you, Hal??

Hal: I'm . . . *dramatic pause* . . . a man. (ALL man, if you know what I mean! *wink wink*)

Rose: No, you can't be a man because when you look at a man you know what he can and can't do and when I look at you I can't know what you can do or if you can do the can-can--wait, where was this line of reasoning going again?

Hal: You lost me at "because".

Rose: Anyway, I don't want you around. I only accept strange men who can dig with a pickaxe for hours on end, not strange men who have magic rings that could potentially plant all these pear trees in five minutes. Go away.

Guy: Well, I sure ruined your love life, Hal. Heh heh heh. See you around, loser. *flies off*

Hal: Um . . . well, I guess I'm out of here, then. But not until I brood about how my ring makes me something MORE . . . and something LESS . . . than a man.

Rose: Yeah, okay, whatever.

Toby: Moooommy!!

Hal: *mutters* Stupid kid.

THE END

The thing about being MORE . . . yet LESS . . . than a man? Yeah, that's straight from the comic. Also Rose not recognizing the Big Dipper. Good God, woman.

And now the answers to . . . WHO'S THAT MEDIEVAL BEAST?

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 02:12:30 GMT

All right . . . Are you ready for a journey of discovery and crack?!

(Cracktastic pictures under the cut.)

1.

This is a badger. Yes, that's right. Forget the fact that it has horns, huge ears, and a mane. You might think that if you were drawing a badger you'd depict its distinctive black and white face markings . . .

BUT YOU'D BE WRONG!

~*~

2.

This is a bat. True, its front legs aren't part of its wings like they should be, but it's definitely a bat. Here's a different medieval picture of bats, which I think is adorable:

~*~

3.

Whoa, what's going on here? This psychadelic beast is . . . a tiger! Yes, a tiger. You know what's funny? Of the nine medieval bestiary pictures of tigers on this site, this is the only tiger who has stripes.

So, what's up with the big circle? Well, here's the story . . . the tiger was chasing the hunter because he stole her cub. He dropped a round mirror and the tiger sees her reflection in it and stops, thinking its her cub. The hunter is a jackass.

~*~

4.

This is a snake. With ears. WHAT.

~*~

5.

Weasels. The illustrator had some talent . . . and used that talent to show weasels reproducing with their mouths and giving birth through their ears. KIDS! Don't kiss, you will have BABIES! They will squeeze out your ears, but only after eating your brains!

~*~

6.

Jesus Christ it's a lion! GET IN THE CAR!

"Lions spare anyone who prostrates himself and allow captives to return home," the bestiary informs us. I sincerely hope no one approached a lion pride based on this advice.

~*~

7.

The unicorn. I love the expressions here. Unicorn: "OMG you bitch i thght you were my friend an you let that guy stab me i hate u." The maiden: "Dude, sorry." The hunter: "If only my hat had a wider brim it would be an awesome sombrero."

~*~

8.

The panther. Yes, another psychadelic big cat, although this one has cloven hooves for some reason. All the other animals love the panther for its sweet-smelling breath, except the dragon, who is hiding in a hole.

~*~

9.

It looks like a camel, doesn't it? But in fact it is the giraffe, also known as the camel-leopard.

This picture reminds me of a webpage Sulaine, a Finnish pony collector, used to maintain with hilarious English-to-Finnish pony name translations. Barnacle became "One-Eye", Masquerade was translated as "Mustache." Cotton Candy became . . . "Baling" or "Bale." "Well, at least the translator understood the 'cotton' part," Sulaine commented.

~*~

10.

A crocodile. The feet disappearing into the mouth strike me as being Monty-Python-ish, somehow.

~*~

11.

Maurice the Clever Cow-Moose.

Madness!

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:42:46 GMT

Last night Booster did not scratch at the door.

Instead . . .

Yeah. It's unnerving to continually hear the doorknob rattle late at night.

He knocked over the black thing so he'd have something to stand on.

In not-really-related news, my ComicCon pony arrived (yay!)

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 07:50:20 GMT

I took Booster (the cat) out for a little night walk.

This proved to be a mistake.

Now he is trying to scratch through the door to get outside again.

The door is metal.

THIS DOES NOT DETER HIM.

Medieval bestiaries: where crack goes to die

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 22:07:51 GMT

Although the best crack is pony crack, medieval bestiaries are a close second. Imagine someone with enough interest in animals to write a helpful guide to them, but neither the means nor the inclination to do any research.

The result? Explanations about how horses are sometimes impregnated by the west wind and weasels give birth through the ear. This is the reason there are no novels truly set in medieval times. Modern readers would not be able to suspend their disbelief.

The medieval mind put Man at the center of the universe, so of course it followed that God created the OTHER species to provide Important Moral Lessons. For example:

The beaver is hunted for its testicles, which are valued for making medicine. When the beaver sees that it cannot escape from the hunter, it bites off its testicles and throws them to the hunter, who then stops pursuing the beaver. If another hunter chases the beaver, it shows the hunter that it has already lost its testicles and so is spared.

If a man wishes to live chastely he must cut off all his vices and throw them from him into the face of the devil. The devil, seeing that the man has nothing belonging to him, will leave the man alone.

Hm!

And now, who wants to play a game of . . .

WHO'S THAT MEDIEVAL BEAST?

To be fair, I know why a lot of bestiary illustrations look like bizarre conglomerations of animal parts. The illustrators never had a chance to see most of these animals and when people are giving you descriptions like "elephants have no joints in their legs" it's easy to see where they go astray.

However.

It's still funny as hell.

Okay, here we go!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

Eleven pictures under the cut. Answers will be posted in a day or two!

Ronno: He wants to be your girlfriend.

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 02:13:03 GMT

tikibirds just posted an Aristocats You-Tube video which reminded me of this video.

I think the best part are Bambi and Faline's D: expressions. Oh Ronno.